That awkward moment when you’ve destroyed a character…

Yep. I thought I had a character in my thesis who was going to be this example that bad things happen to decent people. He was going to be a bit rough around the edges, but still a likable and engaging character. He kinda jumped off the deep end on me today. I was working on my next section of my manuscript and trying to figure out exactly how his traumatic event was going to shape him…it sorta drove him mad.

I’m not really sure how I feel about this because I can’t exactly backtrack and keep him as the nice man he once was. I kinda still like him, and I still feel bad for him, but he’s one of those character that was so human, and he still is, but he certainly has fallen from who I thought he was.

I know that character development is something that is good for a manuscript. It just always blindsides me when you think you know a character and then they go and mess up in some way that changes them forever.

Writing is great like that. You never know what’s going to happen.

Anyhow, my last packet came back with great reviews which certainly gave me a confidence boost. I was starting to think I’d hit a block, but I got some helpful suggestions that have made working on my next section a bit easier.

Have a great Friday, dear readers!!

My 20’s aren’t what I thought they would be

I’m sure everyone come to this realization some point in their life that real life and media are not consistent on how to represent the average 20-something-year-old. I’m fine with that. I’ve always known that, but in the past few days I’ve felt this itching under my skin.

I’m not unhappy with my life, but I feel as though I’m lacking in some way. I thought I would be more adventurous. I thought that moving out to Seattle meant that I would find friends that I could hang out with all the time. I’m not sure why I thought that because other people have lives, and I like my quiet time, but I thought moving out here would somehow make all my problems disappear, but in reality it has only made them smaller.

While that is a good thing, I still think I’m searching for something that I haven’t found in my life yet.

I think I’m still searching for me. That sounds corny, and I know that this is the time in a person’s life where there is a lot of change, but give me a minute to explain myself.

I lived at home through college. Not because I didn’t want to live with roommates, but because I was taking care of my mother. I’ve talked about my mother a bit, but to put things simply she had a stroke and spent some very tense months in the hospital where we were told multiple times that she wouldn’t make it. Now, for a then 18 year old that’s pretty traumatic. She couldn’t speak for a long time, and finally hearing her speak again was one of the best moments of my life.

She had to learn how to walk again. How to get in and out of a car. Numerous things that we take for granted. After extensive therapy she was finally able to come home, and I thought that everything would return to normal.

It wasn’t the normal of before, but it became the new normal. My father is a saint and did more than I could ever do. The doctors visits, and keeping track of her medication was stressful when I was trying to balance school work as well, but I didn’t mind. I’d do it again in a heart beat, but I took on the role of caretaker more so than any other “role” I could fill.

I don’t know if it makes sense, but I was more caretaker than I was myself, and I’ve come to a point where that responsibility is no longer mine and I no longer identify by it. So, I find myself stuck. I find myself struggling on a day to day basis trying to figure out just who Sara is because I honestly don’t know sometimes.

I love my school work. I love saying that I’m getting my Master’s, but I feel like that’s only one part of me. A large part, but there are areas of myself I don’t understand. When I was 18 I thought that by now I’d have my life figured out, but that isn’t the case. Some of my friends seem like they have their lives figured out. Maybe they do. Maybe they don’t. I’m sure in some way we’re all in the same boat.

I’m fine with not fully knowing who I am. I’m fine with trying new things, but I’m also hoping that when I look back on this time in my life I might be able to say that I finally started to figure out who am.

I feel guilty about breaks…but I’m taking one anyhow.

A short and sweet post for you, dear readers:

I sent in my second section of my manuscript for editing yesterday, and even though I came home with the intention to start on the work that will be do in three weeks I did nothing but hang out with the puppy (pure torture) and watch some t.v. I don’t usually take breaks, but for some reason I just didn’t want to crack open another book yesterday afternoon. The ingenious set up of my program is at the three week mark when I have to send stuff in I’m pretty much done looking at it. Not because I feel it’s been edited enough, but because I’m tired of rereading and tweaking the same stuff. The feedback is super important, and three weeks seems to be about the point where I don’t know where to go next. Viola, I get to send it off to be edited. Pretty nice.

Despite my best efforts today has been no better. I feel guilty any time I take a break from what I’m supposed to be doing, but on the other hand I know that if I try to work when my brain isn’t fully turned on then all I manage to produce is rather craptastic. I have reached the point this afternoon where I feel I might start getting behind if I don’t start working again, and I think I needed that little break to get my work ethic kick started.

I’m not the only one who feels this way, right? I hope not.

Have a lovely Friday, and do something for yourselves this weekend.


Look at him!!!!!!

10628237_10153143268524128_5013873882828766503_n Ahhhhhhhh! I can’t handle the cuteness!!!! Yes, this is our new puppy! He’s been an absolute dear so far. His name is Hoshi. He’s been sleeping a lot because he’s only just 9 weeks old. Luckily for me that means I’ve been able to get all of my school work done without a problem.

We’re heading off to a movie night with friends, and it will be nice for him to come along and meet new people. The cat isn’t quite sure what to make of this new addition yet….